Every day this week I have to watch six episodes of the above show.

It is causing me massive pain. Especially as each episode follows exactly the same formula:

1. Fresh Prince is told by Uncle Phil not to do something. Whatever that something is will probably be really contrived. Like bidding at an auction for a celebrity mystery box (which is what is going on in front of me right now).

2. Fresh Prince does it and gets into trouble.

3. Fresh Prince makes joke about how fat Uncle Phil is.

4. Geoffrey makes a joke about how fat Uncle Phil is (in a really crap English accent).

5. Everyone (except Carlton) else makes a joke a joke about how fat Uncle Phil is.

6. Carlton and the Fresh Prince have a fight.

7. Fresh Prince gets found out. Cue elongated telling off scene followed by elongated conciliation scene.

8. Carlton dances (which is the only funny bit).

It's shit. At the moment the whole family is dressed in lycra and doing aerobics. Oh god, it's really shit.

And I've just realised that I've been blogging for over 2 years.

What a fucking nerd I am.

So far this week I have:

Played tennis for the first time in about 15 years. And I'm as shit as I always was.

Celebrated six months with my loved one.

Celebrated six months of not smoking.

Written another draft for the short film.

Spoken to loads of actors regarding auditions on Sunday.

Worked every day in La-La-TV-Land.

Worked some shifts at the wine merchants.

Had a early morning meeting regarding 'The Project'.

Been drunk twice.

Forgotten a whole evening I was so drunk (that would be last night where I apparently had a long conversation in Russell Square with Yaagers on my mobile. And I don't remember any of it).

And I'm working all weekend.

I need some sleep.

Morning all.

Am refreshed from my brief trip to the wilds of Southern France and am ready to hit the ground running. Or I was until actors ruined it all. I will explain...

Myself and my wrting partner have decided to produce one of the short films we have written. The last time I did this it cost me 10K. Hopefully I won't be spending that this time. We've had a few production meetings (in a pub - arguing about how much money we want to spend, how many days shooting we want, what locations we need), and everthing is going smoothly. The only bone of contention was the how much money do we pay the actors/do we hire a big fuck off 4,500 watt HMI light.

We came to an agreement and decided that yes I could have a big fat fuck off 4,500 watt HMI light and we'd pay the actors quite well. Now you have to bear in my mind that most actors don't get paid for short films. So when we put a casting call on various sites we expected quite a few CVs. Off I go on holiday...

To come back to a load of 'we have your mail' notes from the post office. So off I wander this morning to pick up some CVs from the sorting office down the road. I turn up, hand over my notes, and the man smiles at me, "So you're ******* are you?'.

And pulls out three huge boxes full of envelopes. About 2000 of them. Shit. 

1. You can watch 'The Bourne Identity' dubbed into France and still understand everything.

2. 90% of the world's production of neon lights is used on cheap shit French Restaurants.

3. The French may have the best food/drink/women but their music is fucking shite.

4. Perpignan is not nearly bloody hot enough in October as it should be.

5. The border towns of France and Spain are wierd. Really wierd. And full very ugly people.

6. It's not good to get food poisoning at any time. Although getting food poisoning whilst staying in a friend's house is worse. Especially if you happen to be ejecting the contents of your guts from both ends at the same time.

Things I learnt back in England.

1. Sexy yet understated French underwear is the perfect gift... 

Beyond that I learned little. Mainly because I was either too pissed or too hungover.

S x 

Just booked myself ten days in the sun.

Here to be precise:

And it cost me (before taxes) £20 return.

Nice one.